I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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