the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
