I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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