At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
