I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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