i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
