9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
