i was born a porn star she said
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
