sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
