it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
