dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
