I have demons in me.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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