I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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