it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
