Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
