Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
