Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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