Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
