found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
