I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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