If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
