White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
