remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize