shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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