You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
