i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
