Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
