This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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