Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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