i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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