2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
