what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
