I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
