I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
