Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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