Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
