My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
