How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
God I need to hump something, right now.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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