But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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