Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
