And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
