i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
only if we run a train.
done.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
