it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
