here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
