I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
