sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
