batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
