just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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