By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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