all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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