Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
