You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
