my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
