I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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