I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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