This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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