He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
