You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
