well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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